‘ello Johnny Jetters!
The Olympics are coming to a close this Sunday but the competitive excitement of summer is far from over. This week, Johnny makes his way back from London to New York City for the U.S. Open, the final, major tennis tournament in the Grand Slam Series.
Why does Johnny have all the fun? Well, you can too!
What You’ll Win: Johnny Jet has partnered with Starwood Preferred Guest Credit Card from American Express to give away 50,000 Starpoints rewards- redeemable at any Starwood hotel- to one of his contest winners this week. (RV $1250). Known for their luxury but particularly their unbeatable tennis packages (with word class instructors and facilities), one weekend at the St. Regis Punta Mita Resort or The Westin in Kauai and you’ll be U.S. Open ready in no time. Move over Nadal!
How: It’s simple. Leave the caption in the comment section below. Include your name and an email address. You must be signed up for Johnny’s weekly newsletter to enter. All official contest rules apply.
London, England- 2012 Olympics
Important: The giveaway does not require that you be a current cardholder to enter. However, if you do sign up (it’s free) between August 7th, 2012 and September 4th, 2012 you will receive 30,000 Starwood points as a bonus (10,000 points after the first purchase and 20,000 points after spending $5K in 6 months). There is no fee for the first year but there’s a $65 annual charge for subsequent years.
When: The last day/time to enter will be on Tuesday, August 14th at 6pm PT. The winner will be announced Wednesday, August 15th and be contacted by a JohnnyJet.com representative.
“Sports Equipment Bag …check, nuclear launch codes briefcase…double check”
This sucks… I am going back to my Starwood Hotel to practice some more.
If only I would’ve stuck the landing on the vault.
“Next time I book with johnnyjet.com for my travel plans”
The Mustafina was my move. I’ll show you Aliya! Next up, the uneven bars. Hair and make-up will have it’s day.
“Announcing the boarding for all Russian non-winners, Flight 13 to Siberian Training Gulag”
Maybe if I smoke a bong I can make a comeback…
Vodka.
If I’m lucky, maybe I can fit both Gabby AND Ally in here.
The body is taken care of. All that’s left now is the head. Victory will be mine!
Forget my clothes; I’m keeping my gold metals safe!
The olympic village accomodations stink. I’m heading to the Le Meridian Picadilly instead. I’m outta here, comrades!
“I am normal Olympic athlete, do not mind my briefcase. Where are moose and squirrel?”
“And he thinks to himself, ‘I could have sworn they meant the Beer Olympics.’”
“Guess I didn’t need the extra large duffle bag after all…”
Must…protect…vodka…
I may not have won big at the Olympics but I got the next best thing – booked a flight on JohnnyJet!
The body is taken care of. All that’s left now is the head. The gold will be mine!
“Attention, attention, Curing is a WINTER sport, will the Russian and Great Britain team members please leave immediately!”
Edit above….Curling…… thank goodness spelling isn’t one…..
From Megaphone guy – “Balding Olympians to the left please”!
Boris walks home distraught after a failed attempt to win the coveted “Rogaine” gold, the newest Olympic competition.
Fake Olympic team jacket, $39. Shoes to make me look like an American tourist, $42. Falling-apart luggage, $22. Case that makes it look like I’m holding an Olympic medal, priceless!
“Human Canonball Dive Event starts in 10 mins”
“I give them 7 minutes of terror”
In Soviet Russia, bags carry you
“Russian Olympians like Ivan Komova, center, remember the Soviet years fondly–USSR team members weren’t made to carry their own bags, and hecklers on megaphones were swiftly dispatched by accompanying KGB agents.”
Despite his disappointing performance in the 100 meter sprint, Putin left London reassured with the knowledge that he will create a new sport he is much better at in time for the 2014 winter olympics in Sochi.
Couch Potato Olympic Check-ins to your right!
Turns out just buying a team jacket and sports bag doesn’t mean they’ll let you into the Olympics.
“A member Russian Federation Olympic team carries his singlets under lock and key for fear of losing them”
007 in disguise
Vladimir will be so disappointed.
“Welcome to London, Russian Olympic wrestlers! I hope you brought your bulletproof lunchboxes… first we eat, then we wrestle!”
“The worst part of being a Rhythmic gymnast is carrying your make up box around”
A London Olympic employee repeatedly shouts through a megaphone: “In Soviet Russia, bags carry YOU!”
“Screw you guys, I’m going home.”
All Russian balding Olympic want-a-be’s, your bus is leaving…
Hang on Russian Olympic Team, Help is on the Way.
There just lucky we won the tie breaker in the Women’s individual all-around. Guess I won’t be needing this stuff after all
Better get a move on!! My turn on the pommel horse starts in just 15 minutes.
Vladimir’s briefcase of cleaned hundred dollar bills seemed to weigh 20 pounds more on the walk back to the hotel after the IOC denied his bid to consider “money laundering” as an official Olympic sport.
“Little American gymnast fits very nice in bag. She gets gold medal, but Mother Russia gets her.”
“Ruskiesssss!! Report to the cafeteria IMMEDIATELY!! Doggy bags, NOT provided.”
“Next time I won’t pack my dumbbells in my luggage”
“In Soviet Russia, bag carries you!”
“Told by Russian officials to head home, Boris is devastated there isn’t a place for his skills as a makeup artist in these Olympics.”
Sorry guys, the Hair Club for Men convention is down the street…
In London, you Keep Calm and Carry On.
In Russia, you smuggle vodka in your carry on.
“I wonder if I’ll need to pay checked bag fees on both of these”
“Sorry folks, we lost the keys again, see you in Rio!” – Background story: http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2012/jul/30/olympic-policing-own-goal-wembley
“Great Britain is still in the lead, Russia is in second place and not making a serious challenge, but there’s a group of American men closing in, so at this point Team GB can’t yet count on winning Gold in the slow bald fat guy 500 meter shuffle…”
The Special Olympics: “ON YOUR MARKS… GET SET…. GO….” GREAT BRITAIN TAKES THE LEAD…..
“Listen up! Bald people this way!”
And jet lags wins again
“Johnny, dejected over his failed bid to join the Russian Olympic Team, slowly drags his suitcase to the airport. At least he managed to swipe an Official Russian Makeup Case from the swag room.”
“Attention, athletes: please remember that your medals WILL set off the metal detectors, so please put them in their own tray for the x-ray machine. Yes, this applies to gold medals as well.”
And jet lag wins again!
“don’t worry Valeriy (Borchin), we’ll get you outta here safely! “
Due to recent budget cuts this is how the Russian Olympic Federation transports their entire gymnastics team.
I’ll show you who won the Cold War…
“I never trust others with my bags; I always carry on.”
sheeeeesh…..Drago always get limousine…..Vladimir only get Adidas…
“We never should have hired those Canadian costume designers…”
No special treatment for Olympians: athlete charged overweight bag fee for eqipment and forced to gate check silver case of Olympic medals due to full overhead bins.
Vwhere Kan I Poot My Steroids?
Are there any Olympic athletes out there? No, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night
“This is crazy! I’m supposed to be the Russian Olympic Coach…not the hair/makeup guy! And why do I always have to drag this bag around? Ugh.”
Can’t believe they made me get the pizza.
Russian mafia cleanup another Russian mess.
“Maybe, just maybe, if I win SOMETHING they’ll give me a REAL travel bag. Gotta win something..”
Where’s the Levi’s store ?
Once a mighty giant in the Olympics now just walking home
Rush with Hope
The sixteen vials of performance enhancing drugs are obviously medical supplies!
“After the loss to those Americans, I definitely need a vacation….somewhere sunny, crystal clear water……maybe a 30,000 sign-up bonus may sweeten the deal?”
In the glory days of the USSR, reflected coach Gregor, no gymnast would ever have climbed out of her economy shipping bag like that. And in the middle of the checkin line too! Such embarrassment!
After meeting a pretty Russian gymnast in Olympic Park the prior evening, Billy Bob couldn’t recall where he left his clothes, so he had to dig through her closet for the walk of shame early the next morning.
“PEOPLE, PLEASE – TWO SEPARATE LINES. Soccer Hooligans to the right, Communist sympathizers to the left!”
“I wish my teammates didn’t shave that hair off my head last night.”
“Putin excels at yet another position for mother Russia”
Sharapova’s loss: the aftermath
The Russian weight lifting team is not looking so hot this year.
Atenntion all Olympics athletes! Has anyone seen the Cameroon olympians?
30 Liter Lunchboxes – official sponsors of the Michael Phelps 12,000 calorie diet.
I can’t believe that I didn’t win a Medal in Gymnastics!
Oh well, I have 4 years to get in shape for the next one.
Hotel National, Moscow, here I come…
“Is either of you here for the gymnastics competition?”
“You there in the Russian Olympic Team jacket. The balance beam competion is this way.”
I’m hoping that by bringing my make-up case, I can convince them I’m much younger!
bald is beautiful
“Despite the suspicious looking luggage of the man with the Russian Olympic team jacket, security is wisely focusing on the lone individual supporting Great Britain”
It ain’t over until the fat Russian sings
“Can’t believe the team left me behind.”
He is practicing for the 10,000 meter suit case drag and lift. That other briefcase has Russian steroids (aka Smirnoff Vodka and Grey Goose)
4 years of work to get to the Olympics and all I got was this lousy uniform, a duffle on wheels… and doping medication!
Get me back to the W St. Petersburg Hotel!
“So that’s what he meant by ‘you’ve got the most job on the team’.”
Err. Try two–I typoed.,:) “So that’s what he meant by ‘you’ve got the most important job on the team’.”
Time for a new bag
Do I have to go back alreday? I packed for two weeks to stay at the Sheraton Park Lane!
In America, you are free to hate life. In Soviet Russia, life hate you!
Excuse me. Where do you want me to bring all this vodka.
In Soviet Russia the Olympic team finds you!
Excuse me, I think I have the wrong luggage, this looks like Team Iran’s!
No Gold, No Flight: Russian Olympians begin long walk home from the London games.
Last boarding call to Moscow for all underacheivers. Be ready for another four year of rigorous training.
If TSA ran the place… “Security! Security! Apprehend balding male in blue shirt with suspicous hand in pocket…”
It’s bad enough I lost, now I have to fly home on an Aeroflot Ilyshun.
Damn 3 oz rule – I hate having to put my vodka in with the checked baggage.
“I told you on flight over…no medal in gymnastics…you ride in duffel bag on trip home…next time you get bling bling..da?”
I hope this heart helps out at least one of the Russian Judges.
“Flight BA2016 to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil is now boarding”
“Anyone selling tickets? Medals? I’m looking to buy.”
“What is my event?… Picnics. Picnics are huge in Russia. You guys do have that event here right? Right?… No?…” *Walks back to the plane, head down and forlorn…*
“GBR’s #3 is clearly cheating in the luggage-lugging semifinal.”
Russian gymnast trainer Sergei Smirnoff can be seen here with his lunch and midget protege Karlik Mastyera.
“After years of brutal training, all I got was a bag full of free condoms and 3,600 BA miles.”
The captain of the Russian Borshch Eating Dream Team arrives in London.
just a little while to go before I indulge in first class luxury of United!
Keep your head down Boris, the gentleman with the megaphone has no idea that the prized Vodka is in the bag in my right hand, rather than the completely obvious container in my left. Performance enhancing? You betcha.
“Geee, I really miss my old job at the KGB.”
Chush’ sobach’ya! I am out of here! There is no way I took any enhancement drugs to be on the Russian female gymnastic Olympic team!
“I knew we had no shot against rocky”
Lunch box and vodka supplies for whole Olympic team.
The Russian Red jorts were just not catching on despite Nikoli’s gorilla marketing campaign.
Next time do not let the weightlifter sit on my luggage!
Despite changing allegiances again, this time to the Russian Olympic
team, Starwood Hotels is still the only place Johnny Jet gets the gold.
“In Soviet Russia, bag carries you!”
Nice calves, Mr. Putin!
Ivan Drago’s long hike out of retirement.
“This is unacceptable. Back in Soviet Russia, baggage carries you!”
“I will win next time!”
After a security breach at the Gold Medal vault last night, this unidentified man was last seen in the area carrying a large duffel bag full of metallic objects. Ironically, Russia now leads the official Olympic medal count with over 300 Gold Medals.
HAHAHA! I actually like this one a lot!
Al Bundy in deep cover.
“Vladimir’s job as the team makeup artist was not as glamorous as he’d hoped”
Dis was easier before, how you say, “drug testing”. Bah !
“It looks like Britain is going for speed in our leisure walking competition here at the London Olympics, although the judges may look more favorably on the Russians with their higher difficulty score.”
“The Russian Olympic Bowling team goes home empty-handed again”
“In Mother Russia, bag trains you.”
#1 rule to being a good Russian spy – blend in.
“Aeroflot is not the best with the checked bags.”
“What in the world is in that BAG, what you got in that BAG?”
…”A couple a cans a whoop ***.”
Putin just has to have his snow globes everywhere he goes.
We’re definitely getting a different makeup artist for Rio 2016 – signed, every Russian gymnast
Empty bag for souvenirs, check!
“Bring me the head of Mihai Brestyan”
(USA Gymnastics coach)
Just another day at the office…doing work!
“I can’t believe how well these gymnasts fit in my carry-on!”
Attention k-mart shoppers …
Ladies love an olympian… good thing I locked my spandex in this steel case or I wouldnt be able to keep them off me!
“I’ll never know what was in Sergei’s lock box but I’ll always remember his empty black bag”
Continuing the journey….
“Aspiring gymnasts, please have your country credentials available when you reach the window.”
“Man, I hate my twin brother up there. I paid for him to come cheer me on and not only did he change into a Great Britain shirt – he’s making me drag his luggage around too!”
“Win or go home”
No luggage to the left! All PEDs and body bags to the right!
“Does he really have to be yelling this early in the morning?!”
As the Russian saying goes “Ви́дит о́ко, да зуб неймёт.” or…..Eyes watch but cannot take.; So near and yet so far.
[In thick Russian accent] Stupid Aeroflot… bags arrive, but clothes missing. Is good thing I carry on lunch box.
I knew my country had some baggage, but this is ridiculous
Hmmm…. I wonder where my team mates are …
for sale: admission to the olympics as baggage stowaway
Ivan never trusts his checked rolling luggage for his shotput – carry on only!
“Russian weightlifter Ivan Sotravits packs only the essentials for his trip to Olympic Village. In his left hand he sports a lunch pail filled with 50 pounds of kotlety, while in his right he carries a large empty bag that he mysteriously claims has something to do with his second job.”
Low turnout in this year’s racewalking event.
Damn…I thought James Bond was a real person….now I’ve got to ditch this stuff before my wife sees it.
Workouts, dieting, practice till I drop, English lessons, and so-called Athlete Village accommodations that are no better than my college dorm room. All for what? A lousy bag full of gold medals that aren’t even made of gold! The heck with this, I’M GOING TO DISNEYLAND!
C’mon, move it people. This is the Olympics we’re talking about…
Good thing there’s plenty of vodka in his cooler!
Small case, clothing, etc. Big case, olympic memorabilia
In high stakes bocce ball, losers go home in a duffel bag.
have no change of clothe but saved $25 baggage fee
This is how we roll in Moscow, are you ready for me London?
“Hopefully my empty piece of luggage will distract my teammates from checking out my special briefcase of hair wigs…”
So much bag, so few medals
“I hope this is enough make up for the Rhythmic Gymnastic team”
Russia makes due with new 4th place Olympic aluminum medal.
Apparently clothes weren’t given due to lack of physical ability; hence the spy equipment.
How to you spell asylum??
My Olympic dreams spoiled again. Thank goodness for vodka.
“Ivan returns to the pool after hearing of the 0.0 German diving score”
They’ll never guess which bag has the medals.
“Yevgheny was disappointed to learn that his appeal to create an Olympic stroganoff-eating event was rejected.”
Olympic athletes have begun training for their next test, dragging their luggage through Heathrow Airport.
Some countries just don’t get the point of cheerleaders.
Ahhh,I knew it was too nice out for the Winter Olympics…back to Siberia for training.
”That female gymnast I just mugged owned a surprisingly large jacket.”
Darn – there goes the guy on the bullhorn again!
I hope nothing fell out of the bag I forgot to zi…..Blin!
“There’s more than one way to win a medal…..all it takes is a ricin-laced umbrella in my case and a poisoned Olympic athlete in my body-bag”
“leaving empty handed. Wait.. No, I have my makeup case”
Why couldn’t vodka drinking be an Olympic sport?
My cosmetic case must not leave my side – this is international TV we’re talking about!
I brought everything including my toolbox and still I managed to forget my tickets!
“I must break you, and then go to Putinmart for some new luggage”
All atheletes who did not win a medal, please go to the left for Cirque Du Soleil tryouts now that your Olympic career is over!
“Sir You need to upgrade your travel style – Oh and we charge a fee for your second carry-on”
I look suspicious? What about this quack in the purple hoody with the bullhorn.
I’m a SPG Gold member, but I failed to win any Olympic Gold medals
I travel with hand luggage only!
“Why in gods name are they making us wear coats, I’m sweating my giblets off!!”
“I should have known better than to book with that discount site… ‘near the beach’ my foot! How will I ever get my tan on?”
Where….the….EFF….did that Douglas girl come from?
“Я надеюсь, что там будет водкa”
“I thought this was the makeup convention…”
How to sneak in to an Olympic: dress up as an Greco-Roman Russian westler.
“Wait the Winter games aren’t for another two years?! Wow, I really need to lay off the vodka”
Disgraced Russian Olypian walks home after belly flopping in they synchronized diving finals
“The Russian Women’s swim team is extremely strict on doping control, so I can assure you that is not an issue with us!”
“If I can’t buy them with this, I’ll carry them out in this.” -point guard from the 1972 Olympic basketball team.
Attention, attention: We have two separate sections for balding males.
“I hope my chihuahua ‘Princess’ doesn’t suffocate in my briefcase while I’m competing in the hot dog eating contest. Well, at least if she does, I’ve got this empty bag ready to roll.”
“Russian Boy Scout: Always be prepared. Jacket and shorts, sports bag and makeup case.”
After failing to medal, Goran the Russian shot put champion knew it was time to return to his career as Moscow’s most fabulous hairdresser.
Yeah, London was great, but I’m ready to go home to Mom. I’m her gold medal.
In Soviet Russia, I bring tennis balls juiced with Vodka and a tennis rack that is coated in Wolf!
“The Russian Federation using an unorthodox, but efficient, method for transporting gymnasts”
Vladimir was always cautious about keeping his hairpiece secured during international travel. The British team unfortunately was less cautious and left theirs on the Tube.
Good thing team did well. Did not have to use soviet bodybag.
No medal, Komrade? That will be 25 Rubles per bag & no soup for you!!
Done with the Olympics. Now the real challenge – find quality vodka to celebrate
“That John Denver is full of S***”
Ladies and Gentlemen!
Step right up!
Don’t be shy!
Test your skills against the worlds strongest athletes!
“The duffle bag is for all the SWAG my family wants me to bring back to Siberia”
“I’m in the freaking Olympics and I can’t even get one of those fancy rolling suitcases with 4 wheels…”
Yes they will also yell at you via a bullhorn in London.
As punishment for not winning gold, this is how the Russian female gymnastics team (pictured) traveled back to the Motherland.
Unless you’re a member of the Russian weightlifting team, follow Johnny’s packing list
http://vintage.johnnyjet.com/Mpackinglist.html
Cost cutting sucks! Shouldn’t have let them convince me to walk it to London. Grrr…
Olympic Village passengers, at this time we’d like to remind you that you are allowed only one carry-on plus a personal item such as a purse, laptop bag or a really mean-looking shiny metal briefcase.
The jacket I stole is a perfect decoy for my secret briefcase!
“We are serious when we tell our athletes to win or die trying.”
“Valery Putin, stop right there. No you cannot move into the Olympic Village.”
In Soviet Russia, duffle bag drag YOU!
Yessss I am here!!! Sorry my coach had me walk from Moscow! I am ready for the 50km Marathon!
“Motherland will be very proud of all souvenirs I bring from Olympics.”
I am what you call the James Bond of Rushia.
“After receiving his Chase Sapphire, Ivan decided to move into the comforts of the Chase VIP tent.”
The Russian Women Gymnasts’ private transportation accomodations to the Games…
Win or lose: can Russia win their first Gold medal in Day 5?
The Russian Medal bag is bulging as usual!
To save money, each Russian Olympic must pack 3 female gymnasts, one in carryon and two in checked baggage.
“Hey Coach, I found my cosmetic case…”
Damn…another 8 hour Aeroflot flight – hope they don’t notice this Stolichnaya I packed!
“Take your marks” “Get set” “Go your fastest to get a good seat on Southwest Airlines”
“A member of the Russian Olympic Team was sent home today after discovering that Bowling is not an olympic sport.”
Guy with megaphone: “I’m a little teapot, hear me shout; *lifts arm* Here is my handle…. wait, that’s not how it goes”.
“Russian HAZMAT team member departs with an irradiated gold medal in Men’s 15:00 reactor meltdown”
In the good old days, we Russians used to fill this bag with gold medals…
Olga Svetlana, a Gold Medal-winning Russian gymnast, returns to the Athletes’ Village with her makeup case (left) and compression-gear singlet.
Twinsies!
“ATTENTION”…all non-athletic white people!!!!!
The Russian Olympic shooting team is denying media reports that one of its members disappeared following an accident at practice earlier today. Reached for comment, the team’s coach said the missing team member had just “gone for a swim in the Thames.”
“these gymnasts are getting smaller and smaller every year…”
Hair club for men to your left please… Viagra spokesmen to your right
“Ski jacket was a baaaad choice…”
“Ivan…competing in the 100 Meter walk”
Damn hair and makeup cases always slow me down!
“On My Way”
NOBODY TOLD ME THAT TSA WAS HELPING OUT @ HEATHROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“I’m going to have my own Olympics! With blackjack! And hookers! You know what – forget the Olympics!”
“Damn, stupid, you remembered taking equipment, but forgot all vodka…”
“Russian Quidditch coach should have had high hopes in London 2012″
I guess bringing the extra suitcase for all the medals was a little too much positive thinking…
The Russian Olympic Team. Putting the “Active” in “Radioactive” since 1992.
Russian superstar gymnast Svetlana Volasatnogaya will not compete in the woman’s all around after failing a drug test
Hey, where’s the valet service?
This is what I get for joining the dressage team to get a free trip to the Olympics.
What do you mean I in da wrong country?!?! I put you in dis bag if you don’t tell me how to git dere!!
Russian superstar gymnast Svetlana Volasatnogaya will not compete in the woman’s all around after failing a drug test.
“Would all members of the synchronized swimming team please come this way”
“Bald men dorms over here!”
“I can’t believe I got kicked off the Russian Olympic Gymnastics coaching team for sticking the make-up.”
It might be empty, but at least my bag showed up in London.
“In Soviet Russia, baggage claims you!”
This is the last time I connect through Frankfurt.
Yuri reluctantly heads home after finding out there is no Olympic makeup artist competition
‘We thought we’d have more Gold, but Gaby Douglas and Aly Raisman took it all.”
No one had the heart to tell him GB & USA will win most of the medals….
I made a graphic of my caption:
https://dl.dropbox.com/u/3911461/qm.PNG
“Missing athletes? I wouldn’t know anything about that….”
Stupid gate changed again? And since when are Heathrow and Moscow co-terminals??
I swear, the next person who says I look like a tomato, I’m going to stuff them in my duffel bag…
“Excuse me, Sir. You’ve been randomly selected for additional screening”
Sir! One carry-on only. And it has to fit in the overhead!
“I just know I have Ivan Ukhov’s vest here somewhere!”
I reeeaaalllly hope Putin isn’t watching this!
The 2012 Russian Olympic team arrives in London.
“Do it they said. It’ll be fun they said….”
“The Russian medal-bag is looking pretty empty this year. Next time, send Putin.”
“I’ll pack light so I have enough room for all the medals.”
“Russian Proverb: Вся́кому о́вощу своё вре́мя. Every vegetable has its time”
In Russia, we bring own gold medals.
If you want to stand on a podium, don’t forget your Plutonium
“Sir, you’re only allowed to enter with official Russian team luggage… no body bags… and certainly no secret metal boxes…”
Dmitry Ivanov will never bring such a large piece of luggage to the Olympic Village Stainless-Steel Lunchbox Pick-up Party again.
I can’t believe the Olympic Athletes’ village was sold out and they are walking me. Maybe i can sleep in the melted red Eiffel tower thing.
i really see nothing funny about this picture!!! Go Russia
“I can’t win any Olympic gold medals….but I can win gold with the SPG Amex 30,000 bonus!”
I am Russian and when i make it to the next Olympics in swimming team i want to borrow his bag and fill it up with the gold medals i win.
Note to self: Walking to the Olympics neither saves time over the airport or cures male-pattern baldness.
“The Bond villain competition is just ahead to your left”
“I wonder if anyone can tell I’m wearing women’s socks…so soft…”
Look at the lucky British man with no bags. When will it be Mother Russia’s turn?
Walking in London at Twilight Olympic
I should have stuck to the winter olympics
I went to the Olympics and all I got was this Russian Olympic Team windbreaker.
Megaphone Man: “All carry on bags must fit in the bin above your head or below the seat in front of you.” Russian: “On Russian plane, they fit!”
“All unattended bags will be confiscated and destroyed. You, with the metal spy attache, I’m talking to you sir!”
“Attention guests: the budget airline terminal is only 2 miles further away”
All those years of training to be the best. Ah, it’s all about to pay off. Olympic village here I come! Hope I brought enough condoms…
In Mother Russia, bags carry you!
Triple XL and these bad boys STILL give me a wedgie. Next year, we outsource.
With my clever Olympic disguise, Brad Pitt will never guess Gwyneth Paltrow’s head is in the box!
Back to Russia with Love… sans Gold.
Why, oh why did I choose shotput instead of gymnastics?
Make way! Explosive package on the way out!
Marcellus’s soul AND the gimp for good luck…and still no gold!
He who gets in my way will be….
Maybe your baggage is lighter or you carry it in a fancier suitcase, but we all have baggage.
What the hell! I came all the way here for some warm beer?!?
I liked you on your Facebook page!
Russian Olympic member carries luggage to contest after bed bugs found in room
I knew this Russian Olympic Team outfit would come in handy somewhere!
Irina, the only Russian gymnast from Cherbobyl, arrives with plenty of her special dietary supplement: homemade borscht!
No one told me I had to try out for the team. What will mother think…
In Russia, bags pack you.
“Attention Russian Coach dragging his bag: please lift it so as not to break the vodka.”
“I bet Boris Spassky never had to pay baggage fees.”
It’s noon. I missed the bus. When the Westin told me “heavenly bed”, I didn’t believe them.
The women’s-weightlifting gold was mine, till my wig fell off.
Which way to the balance beam competition?
On Aeroflot, they move us before we move them
Thank you London weather! You’d be surprised how much bag space you gain when you don’t have to pack a parka.
mmm….where is my hat box?
After being shut out in the rope climb, Russian Olympian, who carries his over-sized Siberian weasel with him everywhere he goes, is forced to walk home as punishment.
This isn’t Sochi? Vladimir’s not gonna like this!
‘Ever since the fall of communism, they make us walk.’
“I really wished they offered the duffle in red…gotta coordinate.”
Can’t wait to finish 50 Shades of Grey on the flight back!
All that effort, and all I get is that lousy travel bag …
So much for baggage fees
in Russia, medal wins you.
I love my souvenir jacket.
“Move along people! Please ignore Great Britain to my left & Russia to my right! And don’t mind the old man peeing behind me!”
Losing faith that the Olympic booking code was worth having to travel like this…
In soviet russia, olympics win you.
In Russia, you walk to Olympic Games
“My son gave me chis special suit, make me very proud papa”
…next time Putin get his own ticket.
“Attention! Once you pass the guy fixing his zipper, there is no re-entry!”
Alas, Sergei was too late to register for the vodka drinking contest this year. Back home to keep the dream alive for 2016.
I have a feeling Kobe doesn’t have to carry his bags.
The line for the 2016 Summer Olympic games starts over here.
By the way he is dragging that bag instead of carrying it, I assume he was not representing the Russian Weight Lifting team.
Boris upholds the Olympic trading tradition, swapping a duffle bag of Pussy Riot t-shirts for Bob Costas’ toupee.
All Russian Olympic team members, please follow me! I will take you to your rooms, so you can drop off all your ridiculous bags.
Hey, I didn’t win a gold, but at least I earned a total of 35,000 Starpoints at my hotel stay, enough for a night at a category 7 hotel..Done with the rain here…off to W South Beach for sand and sun!
“uhhhh……craaap…this isn’t the Olympics I signed up for – all these participants here have the other kind of 6 packs and full heads of hair….where am I?!? …”
This is how our gymnasts travel for free, in our carry on’s.
Carry-on baggage fee $30 for the first bag, $50 for the second.
“Plenty of time to get back home. At least I got her clothes in the divorce.”
Olympics? I thought this was the O-Blimp-ics!
“Let the Vodka Olympics Begin”
He has to be Russian around with all those bags.
Spoiler Alert: Russian didn’t win.
I walked all the way from Moscow and all I got was this crummy jacket!
Russian Olympians: Failure of the mission 2012, means back to Siberia for you.
“British Pocket Pool tryouts to the left, frumpy, balding Russian oligarchs lugging around bags of cash while posing as athletic trainers to throw off the scent of KGB British based hit squads, please stay to the right….”
Michael Phelps has really let himself go in his retirement…
Boris didn’t train for 15 years to win a gold metal. He did it for the chance to fill his bag full of free soap and toilet paper from the hotel housekeeping cart. Today is his day. Let’s hope his bag is big enough and the cart is unattended.
Defeated after losing his last shot at glory, he packed up and began the long walk out of the park.
I can’t believe customs took all but one bottle!
Ryan Seacrest’s New TV Show – “A day in the life of a fat person…at the Olympics”.
Boris had that familiar nickel & dimed feeling on hearing the announcement about all bags that didn’t fit under spectator seats being charged 25 Pounds
Anyone missing a huge red hookah?
Back to the basic I guess.
One bag to take them all….Medals of the soviet Olympic team
I guess I over-estimated how many medals would be won this year in gymnastics….at least I have my vodka chilled.
“I only get to wear shorts every four years. I’ll see you in Rio.”
Which way did my team go?
Blood doping might be against the rules, but heart transplant doping has yet to be specifically addressed.
Does this giant make-up case make my ankles look fat?
I’m too old for this sh*t!
Sergey was right, I never should have checked my bag.
After 3 hours lost in the street, he is still searching for the Olympic stadium….
“I win a Gold Medal and they STILL want me to pay bag fees? I should have paid more attention to JohnnyJet…”
I should have never gate-checked that javelin! Now I have to borrow one from the Americans…
Marge, look at this cool jacket I found on the floor of the shuttle?
Russian Mafia disguised in Olympic gear
Big balding guys! Go to my left! … That’s your right! … Your OTHER right!
It was another disappointing year for the Russian Men’s Rhythmic Gymnastics team
Blood transfusion done, now just need to get rid of this box…
I knew I should have just carried on, but no, no, she said, “You’re going to need to check a bag for all of those medals you’re bringing back”…
4 years to work on my tan! See you in RIO!!!!!!!!
The Russian nesting dolls are secure, but Anna Kournikova has escaped!
Your attention please… Democracy to the left…Russian defectors to the right. Mind the Gap!
Why can’t 4th place get a medal? Off to RIO I go!
I’m not checking this bag!
It was another disappointing year for the Russian Men’s Rhythmic Gymnastics team
“I WANT TO DEFECT TO AMERICA” What do you mean Ryan Seacrest was here to cover the Olympics? I want to be the next American Idol!
There is no way this guy can be Russian.
Fed up with the high cost of fast food in the Olympics Village, Boris knew that if his team were to seize the gold, it was time to smuggle in his own goulash.
The Queen making an incognito enterance!
Russian door-to-door salesman.
The beef jerky samples are one per person! Yeah, I’m talking to you, comrade!
In Mother Russia, suitcase drags you.
The McDonald’s Olympic sponsorship has really taken it’s toll on the Russian gymnastics team
Seconds after this photo was taken, Nikolai’s dejection in getting knocked out of the Hammer Throw semi-finals turned into elation as he bumped into his fraternal twin who was separated at birth, Harry in the blue Great Britain polo just steps ahead.
30 years of service to Mother Russia, and I’m relegated to lugging Aliya Mustafina’s makeup bag and luggage!
Silver container is a lunchbox for the week. Rumors of inedible British cooking are hard to get rid of…..
…and so ends the story of Boris the balding barber, who came to London with hopes of winning Gold in Wrestling, but after a series of random events, took home an entire case full of medals in Artistic Gymnastics, including the Gold he so longed for.
Borsch and Vodka. . . here I come!!
“16 years ago, this bag would have been full with all our Olympic medals. Now… ” says the Russian who has been carrying his country’s medals home for 40 years.
someone I love went to London, and all I got was a bodybag
“I show them Ukraine IS weak!”
Half assed training and no motivation does not yield success. Just go back hallow and come back when you’re ready to give 110%
I would stay at the St Regis Bora Bora!
“Better luck in Rio”
Travel Checklist: Clothes and necessities in duffel bag. Vodka in the titanium case. Check!
Hmm, not sure that tools I have here are enough to dismantle stadium and fit in bag to rebuild for Sochi 2014.
Boris wouldn’t have missed the opening ceremonies if he would have just stayed in a Starwood Luxury Collection Hotel, featuring the exclusive Memorable Mornings package.
In Soviet Russia, bag drag you.
Do these shorts make me look fat?
Attention Please! All shotputters have now been rescheduled for the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia.
The effects of Chernobyl are not just limited to athletic ability…
The sequel to the Big Lebowski looks interesting.
“Missing luggage of all bald athletes has now been found. Missing luggage of all bald athletes has now been found.”
If Gorbachev were still President, I would be lugging a lot less stuff.
Little did he know it, but a certain Russian Olympian was in for a big scolding upon his return from London: “Sure it’s a fine man-bag, but this is NOT what we thought you meant when you called to say, ‘I got the silver medal’!”
Love to do it again~!
Remember that each passenger is limited to one carry-on and one personal item!
We may not win a lot of medals, but we sure know how to look suspcious while bribing the referees.
“shhhhhttt… should have brought air ticket with cash instead of using points….. it’s not Beijing Olympics!!!”
It’s now time for the long walk home….at least there’s a stawood or two on the way
“All fat and balding guys, please step forward”
When I heard that a new Starwood Property is Opening this week in Kiev……………I am outta here
“I am Epic Win!”
SPG Gold Status………….I can not do better, I better book ASAP
OK> Hairpiece is in the case and know I am going to need a change of clothes after I ride that roller coaster. Then its off to synchronized swimming.
Those bastards stole all my belongings. At least they left my empty suitcase and my vodka cooler. Hope that keeps me warm since this light jacket won’t help by the time I get back to my cabin in Oymyakon. It will be a long walk!!!!!
Vodka – What else, Mr. Clooney? :-)
The Westin Resort Nusa Dua, Bali – Starwood Hotels & Resorts …
FAIL!
Maybe I should’ve put milk in my wheaties instead of Vodka.
Sweet, I can’t believe I just traded this duffel bag full of beanie babies and case of pogs for this sweet Russian Windbreaker.
I can’t believe it! I try to bring in one little bag of vodka bottles and they kick me out of the Olympic Village. At least our medals are safe!
“Sighhh…time to lose to the USA again…but hey, at least I earned some miles on the way here!”
Empty duffle bag: 1575 Rubles
Portable loudspeaker: 50 Euros
Empty duffle bag + annoying guy with portable loudspeaker: PRICELESS!
Thought I’d bring my “dacha” along to celebrate.
I checked in my bags with United… this is what I got back!
dejectedly, vladimir heads back to his small village in the ural, a fourth place finish in the donut eating contest keeping him off the podium. ‘I felt in good form for the first dozen, then everything starting crumbling’ said vladimir.
The rookies are supposed to carry all the bags… I’m too old for this.
I really want to win this 30k points!!!
No Polonium-210 here. Nope. None at all.
Since losing to Rocky, Ivan Drago has really let his workout schedule slip.
Russian gymansts’ make-up artist and his bag of tricks going to work.
Scalp for hair transplant on ice, i’ll dump the body bag on the way to my hotel !
Sorry, Roman Abramovich. I got the Russian Olympic jacket and the heart of Maria Paseka for you, but I lost all the money that was in the giant duffel bag.
He’s like a piece of iron! I still can’t believe I lost to Rocky in the 70′s!
I’M LEAVING! I don’t care where my dancing bear is!
…Sheesh….can’t find the lost and found anywhere in this Olympic park!
They told me to “go for the gold.” Now if I can just find my way to the prize vault.
Hey Boris, you think you took a beating at the games? Just wait until you’re on your coach flight home on Aeroflot.
Looks like I didn’t need such a big bag for medals after all…
“All forfeiting players, please return to your scheduled games.”
Boy, was Mr. Vladimir Mafioso wrong…. I mean, I do look awesome and super-Olympic in this outfit, but the color practically screams, “I’m carting around a dead body.”
Look what happened to me when I demanded a room on the Club Floor at the Sheraton Palace Hotel, Moscow. I had to bring my own caviar and vodka.
I’d rather be weightlifting…
Olympic village buses lost their way, again!
Official Russian Team Outfit – $350
Hotel Booked on SPG.com – $110
Empty bag to cart off all the used Olympic sports equipment to sell on Ebay – Priceless
overweight white guys to the right. ACTUAL athletes to the left.
Hey Russia…No people say they no they can believe, Jamaica we got a bobsled team. No people say they no they can believe, Jamaica we got a bobsled team…
If man don’t stop yelling so early in morning I forget about Ukraine and Rapid Fire Pistol men’s gold and pull gun out now. NO, stop Boris. Don’t think bad. You need stop Vodka shots with Swedish swimmers and concentrate. Think Ukraine Boris. Keep walking.
The food here is terrible. I’m going home and getting some borscht.
The Russian women’s shot put star prepares for the days event, with her shot put encased, and an evening gown in the bag.
In Soviet Russia, Bag carries YOU!.
“”Chyort! What a night. Women really *are* like hurricanes: they’re wet and leave you with nothing.”
“I don’t know who thinks I can fit all the Russian gymnasts’ eye shadow supplies in just one make-up kit. I guess this abandoned roller bag will have to do.”
“wish Gordon Brown attended gymnastics and helped us like he did in Judo.”
I got 99 problems, but a Medal ain’t one.
Ugh, why so much stuff to carry? I wish I was back on BA F.
From The Park Lane Hotel, London to Putin’s Gulag deluxe – just one unlucky comrade
He leaves with a light duffel bag in tow–a man doesn’t need many clothes when he’s cloaked in victory.
The girls will be so proud of all the Olympic pins I traded their clothes for !
Heathrow ate my luggage, but at least I saved the Vodka.
Carry-on plus a personal item – check. Now which way to the Elite Lounge?
Guess I won’t have any problems packing those medals after all…
Olympic finished for team Russia…EARLY
Well I lost but at least I can taste some of that famous British foods ..where’s the blood pudding and spotted dick?
Well, I didn’t win but at least I got to see the Queen!
This is how we roll…
another day at the office
Keep
Calm
and
Carry
Vodka
On
“Attention: Large cash reward for Usain Bolt’s stolen running shoes.”
How can our Russia neighbor won so many GOLD medals. My Russia Gold medal bag is so light and I need to take my Vodka break now!
It’s a long way to Moscow but fortunately I have my make up case!
Status!! Can’t live without…
I guess I’ll start walking to Sochi now!
His hood is covering up the important part: Russian Olympic Team… 1972.
So, that’s what happened to Yakov Smirnoff?
So London didn’t work out so well, at least my medal vault is ready for Rio 2016!
i’m lonely
In the little case, my clothes. In the big one, a lifetime supply of Cadbury candy bars.
Who stole my clothes!!!
i thought the gold was “in” the bag.
“When Putin said he had a nuclear option to help Russia win the Olympics I just thought he was going to take his shirt off again and jump on the pommel horse.”
Bribe paid, now I am ready for all my metals
Have bags, will travel….sort of!
Sadly the make up artist for the Russian gymnasts failed to medal due to poor eye shadow technique.
Excuse me. Where do I set up for complimentary Mary Kay facials?
An empty bag, a few medals in box, a bald head – Russia here I come !
In Soviet Russia, bag drag you. I miss Soviet Russia.
Curling…nowhere near as hard…still the same medal!
Aeroflot may have deflated my luggage, but the Olympics deflated my ego!
Frugal Travel Tip (Olympics Edition):
Russian gymnast = 70lbs
Checked baggage max weight = 70lbs
“I will be back”
And next up in the 100 meters luggage drag… Phil!
I walked all the way from Moscow and I can’t even see the olympic flame!
I’m out of here
Blank money gone with medal!
Guaranteed late checkout is great, love the upgrades, I wonder if VIP valet parking can be arranged with that Starwood Card?
Sadly, the receding hairline was not made an Olympic Sport in time for the London 2012 Games. Years of training wasted, Mr. Russian Olympian.
Thank goodness … going home to a Starwood resort.
Ha ha, stupid security didn’t even notice my fake Russian team jacket was mistakenly written in English.
Might as well head home…I never had a chance against the Americans.
London has him now
I’d like to go to St. Regis Bora Bora
sadly, when ordering a ”large white russian” at the olympics, this is what arrives at your table.
This is perfect! I have a spg card already!
For some reason they didn’t think I was an Olympic Athlete… I totally thought the jacket & shiny case would do it!
Dang…I swear somebody said Russian NASCAR was finally an olympic sport…
Pure Russian
In the left hand; the torture kit, in the right, just the right size bag for a non-medaling gymnast!
I am sooooo over carrying Putin luggage!.
Does Yuri really need all these steriods and vodka?!
Must drink less vodka!
As Boris was leaving the Olympic Village to head to the synchronized swimming venue he realized that while he had his makeup kit, his bathing suit was no longer in his suitcase.
Russia’s version of “Avon lady calling.” Specializing in hair removal creme, gold medal polish, and portable vodka flasks.
Whew…I need to check out the massage at the Sheraton!
Mission Acomplished: The official end of the Cold War
Four years of training and now they tell bowling is not an Olympic sport
“Russia’s one man Olympic Bowling team”
taking his toys and heading home
Don’t worry guys, I have new uniforms in tow to bring up morale.
If only bowling were an olympic sport.
In Russia we are trained to follow the call of any bullhorn.
Got my travel cosmetic case and my swim gear – next up – Synchronized Swimming for Gold!
Darn Americans! Landed on Mars… now I have to go back to Russia and the drawing board in the middle of the Olympics!
Must book Sheraton next time, these Olympic rooms are so budget!
I could have sworn they meant the Beer Olympics
Can I not gate check the bag? What? No overhead bin space?!
Attention all Olympic participants – this is Joan Rivers alter ego speaking – screw this place and follow me to Costco for the Book Toss event!!
I can’t believe I left my discus in Moscow…
“I plan to buy A LOT of souvenirs, some of them quite delicate.”
Dexter’s got his tools, his body bag, the perfect disguise and is ready to wreak havoc on the 2012 summer Olympics. – A bit morbid, I know.
Due to the economic crisis with the ruble, this Russian shot putter made the mistake of overpacking his carry-on bag on the way to London.
what do you mean one carryon and one personal item?
Finally, the Vodka has arrived!
athleticism. i has it.
Can anyone spare a large duffel bag? We need to move a body…
Things are not like they used to be.
“OK, OK…Vlad is coming. When they said I would be a part of Russian olympic history, I wasn’t thinking makeup and wardrobe…”
Red dude – the buffet is all you can eat, not all you can pack!
It’s what’s in the bag that matters, not what’s around the neck
“Russian Judge” packs up his notoriously low scorecards and goes home
“Your crazy to bring all that sunscreen to London”, they said. “Who is ever going to buy it?”, they said. Sunshine plus many pale, bald, fat men means I get the last laugh.
I cannot believe I’m late to do Putin’s makeup….
“Crap I hope that dude with the megaphone doesn’t call me out.”
“Step lively, it’s a long haul back to Russia”
Foolish westerners will never suspect me in clever disguise as Russian lady gymnast, Ima Manova… and soon this bag will be filled with medals!
In Soviet Russia, Megaphone speaks into you!
Looks heavy. He must be dragging around the Iron Curtain or something.
Tweeters to the left! Facebook likes to the right!
Stupid gender testing. I had them all fooled until that cheap Ukranian wig fell off.
Sometimes James Bond wears a tux, sometimes he’s disguised as a guy in a purple hoodie with a megaphone; that Soviet won’t be leaving with the closing ceremony secrets.
I would use for my upcoming thailand vacation , The St. Regis Bangkok hotel.
heart in a box
Last time I accept a free haircut from an Englishman….
I never travel anywhere without my cosmetics case and a body bag………
russian red “star” with vodka
I wish I would have trained harder in speed walking. Maybe 2016 will be my chance. OUT OF MY WAY…speed walker coming thru.
Well, back to making wacky YouTube videos in Russian.
“Calling all countries who will never beat the US or China in medal count”
Wow, I sure sold out of a duffel full of condoms in a hurry! Good thing I didn’t tell them they were russian!
When we were USSR I had a luggage cart.
Resigned to Managing the Badminton Team, Ivan Drago always wonders “what if” he’d beaten Rocky
I drink Russian vodka in Vegas and wake up as the “swimsuit” washer for the Russian divers. I need a vacation!
Oh boy oh boy, Putin is going to love me after I tell him what I just did!
“To come all this way and lose the Gold by a HAIR!”
Picked up the suitcase for my Deal or No Deal hosting job.
my wheels fell off, okay!
Good thing Egypt bought all that Nike clothing – this bag is much lighter!
Drago after he stopped using steroids.
johnnyjet.com….make all your dreams come true.
If I walk quickly enough, nobody will ask what’s in the shiny case………
Hanging his head in defeat, Vlad finds a little reassurance in that he emptied the minibar into his duffel before checking out.
KEEP CALM IN MY CARRY-ON!!
“Ivan Drago never had to carry his own makeup case…”
“No medal for you!” Next!
Someone didn’t get the memo about not doping in public.
No Luxury Collection Concierge services for the Russian team this time…
Oh Comrade, I forgot. Does Obama get Alley’s used female products and the bald Brit get’s Michael Pheleps used jock straps, or was it Obama get’s the jocks and the brit get’s Ally’s? GREAT VODKA I GOT IT!! The Bald Brit get’s Obama’s used female product’s and the Kremlin get the jocks’s!!!!
“The poor guy responsible for packing the condoms for Russian Olympic team staying the Olympic village”.
No von vill guess I keeled that gymnast vith this peeeeeeerfect disguise…..
The bold and the bald.. when you’re good, you’re good!
dang this bag is heavy. must train harder next 3 yearl
Russia’s secret Olympic tactic — mean and lean under the aging flab!
I need to work more on the balance beam.
Wow – it’s a long way to that crazy looking tower from here!
Be with one and live in peace,,,, BUT “men like wars”
New show on Bravo:Real Housewives of Olympic Village.
Hopefully I don’t end up in the gulag…
“Must get home to cast crucial vote in free and fair elections”
My love for you is like a truck.. BEZERKER!
Yegor wish he had better luck.. BEZERKER!
“Medal polishing kit? Check. Bag to carry medals? Check. Olympic medals won? Uncheck…” GO USA!
Ladies and gentlemen, the Olympic roller coaster over my left shoulder is currently out of order. But fear not, we have summoned the Russian weightlifting captain to get it up and running in a jiffy. He was the only person readily available as he wasn’t summoned to the medals stand.
Oh well….maybe next time….. time to relax back at the Hotel National in Moscow
St Regis Bora Bora
In this economy, international caliber gymnastic coaches moonlight as unofficial luggage handlers and makeup artists.
Back to Russia, with love!! (A la 007 movie, From Russia, with love)
“Crème de la Kremlin athlete spotted Russian off to his next Starwood hotel check-in”
Althletic gear? Check. Nuclear football? Check.
Lookin’ good for the ladies with my travel salon-in-a-box.
I got the medal AND the podium.
Somebody came a bit overconfident on how much space they’d need for medals…
“Next stop, America’s Got Talent. Howie will love me.”
Silver medal gymnast’s head in case, check. Body in bag, check. That bus ride home to Russia will be a killer!
“My vision board didn’t include getting booed by a bunch of anti-balding, fat-hating ageists! I’m going to burn my leotards the minute I get back to Moscow! Pfft!!!”
The tram to Moscow is on the right
I am going home empty-handed to Russia with nothing but the shirt on my back!
Captain Kirk: Chekov, your mission is to wear an earthling fat suit, carry the Photon Torpedo in a lunch pail and take out the Klingon leader Usain who’s dressed as a Jamaican speedster.
Until next time …
Move over Tanya Harding, let me show you how the Russians take care of business.
Putin has really let himself go…
” I can’t believe this is how people spend their sundays…”
What you mean there is no bob sled event?? I am out of here.
Igor’s travel checklist. Launch codes – check!, clothes – $#%@!
Ivan has finally made it to London for to win Olympic curling. Where is the ice?
No my mothers borsch recipe is NOT in the top secret silver case
I was so excited when they told me I made the Olympic team… nobody said anything about being the bag boy!
“I’m not your porter. I don’t pack or carry your bags.”
Oh, well …I didn’t win gold but at least I get to taste some of that famous British food. I wonder where I can get bangers and mash and my favorite …spotted dick.
“Muggle contenders, please stay left. Athletic legends stay right and you will find platform 10 and 3/4 behind Usain Bolt.”
Will wrestle for vodka. And Rogaine!
Well, at least I got this bitchin’ jacket. So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.
From Russia with love ;)
I missed the bronze by THAT MUCH!
In Mother Russia, all Olympics are Winter!
“Lenin FINALLY gets to come back to London!”
No gold for you!? You walk back to Mother Russia!
i will be back
spare parts
I’d like to St. Regis Le Morne.
I’d like St. Regis Beijing.
Wait wait wait…. so you’re sayin’ there *ISN’T* a gold medal in vodka drinking!? Alright, I’m outta here!!
What a long strange trip its been…..
Just keep moving and nobody’ll ask what’s in the silver case….just keeeeep moving….
“In several sports, we will make very tough changes,” Mutko said, adding that he did not want to discuss the plans in detail during the Olympics. “Now we’re almost at war. The main thing is to get to the end and we’ll take measures later.” Real quote from RBTH newspaper.
“What tease….thats the last time I go party in Sharapova’s room.”
“Sure it’s bulky….but I consider it carry on”
Hmmm…I wonder if some blood pudding would make the hurt go away?
Say what you will of communism, but at least Soviet Olympians were never forced to gate-check their equipment bags.
Megaphone guy says, “Boris, Natoshia has found a restaurant that serves moose and squirrel”
Russian says, “Hey, that sounds better than British blood pudding and spotted dick.”
Hey you, the Russian guy with the Luggage, what part of the instructions/rules do you NOT understand?
GO HOME!
Number one in the world and I have to carry my own bags!
Don’t wurry, I change when I get to Airport so I can qualify for upgrade
Reverse Tomahawk just aint happening
I must not drop the lock-box with the steroids!
See something. Say something
Nice makeup case Russia!
And now Mr. Bond, you will die…
Saw Russian + Metal Case + Black bag = F*** I’m next.
Where did that Sheraton go!
Yes Virgina, doping does work.
Knew i would’nt win. I wonder where I can get me some of that famous good British food. Some blood pudding and spotted dick would sure hit the spot right now.
Guy with the megaphone says: “All those who booked with Johnny Jet, follow me. We have your tickets to Rio here”
“Vodka make harder for Borris to carry Judge.”
Can ANYBODY tell me the way to the Bowling Arena? My ball and those pins weigh a ton!
Next time I’ll leave the bling at home.
Oh no… this guy again…. security!
All swim team body shaving technicians to the left. Nair must be in 3 ounce bottles.
Hey, you with the metal box. Head for the x-ray machine! We want a full body scan.
Not content with his stints as President and Prime Minister, Vladimir Putin dusts off his old KGB service weapon to try for gold in Men’s 25m Rapid Pistol.
Ah ha. Evidence that Russian sports minister Vitaly Mutko is right. Great Britain not only utilizes political clout but ensures its boxers’ performance by recruiting athletes with less hair and luggage.
time to go home..
“I’m a little tea pot…”
Where are my other teammate to help me to carry this body bag?
Wait…the olympics are over? aoooohhh :( :( Coach said to show up before today was the opening ceremony, not closing!
I hope nobody asks to see inside my silver case………
50 years of James Bond flicks and the FSB* still hasn’t mastered a look that can kill. I defect!
*The Federal Security Service of the Russian Federation
Do you think that they will allow the black bag as my personal item?
I’m tired and I wanna go home!
See you in 4 years, Boris…..
“Russia didn’t have enough money to fly Vlad, Russia’s premier make-up artist, out to the games. Poor Vlad had to walk.”
If only I would’ve stuck that landing on the vault.
Bag full of vodka went quick, and opening ceremony hasn’t even started. I am going back to Russia!!
Yuri gave his best effort but was unable to win the gold medal in aimless, empty duffel bag rolling. Better luck in Rio in 2016, comrade.
“He leaves with a light duffel bag in tow–a man doesn’t need many clothes when he’s cloaked in victory.”
If they take my stapler then I’ll set the building on fire…
Satchel to bring home the medals, duffle bag to bring home the losers.
Bonjour, Hello, Salut…
Vlad was ultimately disappointed by his inability to score big at the games when he left London with his extra duffel bag for carrying his medals still empty and his protective briefcase of condoms still full.
Someone has to take home the unused performance enhancing drugs
Putin will be very disappointed.
Team TSA turns back another hopeful…and inspires a caption!
Team TSA wins again!
And the American wins GOLD!
How to spot a true Olympic traveler! A case for the road and a bag for SWAG!
Russia’s women’s gymnastics coach with a steel case for their Olympic medals and a rolling duffel for their HUGE EGOS.
And when Boris didn’t win, he simply stole all the medals and walked back to Russia…
If I just walk calmly, nobody will ask whats in the bag…………
I knew this bag wouldn’t hold enough vodka…
Try outs for the competitive eating team will begin in 15 minutes in the Olympic village cafeteria.
In his later years, Zangief finally pursued his lifelong goal of competing in synchronized swimming, but was unable to medal any event.
Can’t believe this is all I packed…what if we lose Boris?! Did you not think about that?! Now I fly home looking like Russian Olympic team threw up on me…
At the last olympics I had more hair and less luggage
Upon arriving in London, Olaf realized he was seriously misinformed on how one shopped in the SkyMall. That inflatable movie screen will have to wait for another day.
Maybe next Olympics I’ll try Curling.
“I am leaving to go work for the Nets. (Hmm I wonder if Mr Mikhail Prokhorov would hire me?)”
“Attention Contestants: The men’s bald overweight middle-aged donut eating contest has been postponed.”
Attention please! We can all be winners! For a limited time only, AMEX SPG personal and AMEX SPG Business credit cards are giving up to 30,000 points for approved sign-ups!
“Pack it up
Pack it in
Let me begin
I’m Russian to Win!!!”
I’m coming to get you megaphone man…
I am Russian woman shot put champion — thanks to testosterone injections.
Finally! All these years of rhythmic gymnastic practice will pay off!
“On the Road Again”!!
“Happy Trails to You!!
He didnt read the fine print that said all non medalists would have to walk home! Only in russia
Coach could’ve told me that Gatwick wasn’t walking distance to the Village…
Attention all Olympic athletes! Has anyone seen the Cameroon Olympians?”
Those damn Americans…..beat us again ! There’s always 2016!
One one bag per Olympic member allowed through the security station
Another day at the office….
Al Bundy heads home after finding out that bowling was not an Olympic sport…
“Attention cosmonauts, Sputnik boards in 10 minutes”.
Where’s my caddy?
Organ donor comin’ through, comin’ through!
“I wonder if these will hold all the medals?”
tough day
Fuel for the Big Ben winners – with love from Russia
That best be Putin’s judo uniform, or you’ll be eating a “special meal” very soon.
I should have booked my room at SPG.com
PED’s…check. Bag to hold entire women’s gymnastics team….check.
Next time I don’t care what they say, I’m listening to that Johnny Jet guy so I can fly Lufthansa and make it here on time…. AND with my luggage in tact!
Oh, those Russians!
“We will bury you”
Did I take a wrong turn? Were’s the rest of the team?
“Lenin FINALLY comes back to London!”