Scotland Guide Part 2

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Discover Scotland: Part 2
The hunt for the beloved but ever-elusive Nessie continues.
By Devin Janosov

As a lawyer, it only made sense for Johnny Jet to send me on the hunt for any hint of truth behind the legend of the Loch Ness Monster, particularly as the release of Sony Pictures’ The Water Horse quickly approaches. And, while part one of my travels focused on the experience of arriving at and adjusting to the culture of Britain’s northernmost region, the rest of my story will focus on the well-kept paranormal secrets and legends of the highlands of this beautiful country. So strap on your proton packs and prepare for a journey into the strange and inexplicable treasures hidden in the Scottish countryside. My journey continues in Inverness, the reputed home of the much-loved if evasive Nessie.

INVERNESS
Famous as the capital of the Scottish highlands, Inverness (translated: at the mouth of the River Ness) is a quaint little city by day and a well-designed party scene by night. Heralded as the fastest growing city in Britain and sharing its name with my ultimate destination, Loch Ness, Inverness also conceals its fair share of legend and lore. For example, an ancient prophecy states that when eight bridges cross the River Ness, the world will come to a quick and painful end. There are currently seven bridges traversing the river, so the world should be safe for the moment, but the rumors have begun flying about an eighth bridge being in the works, so you might want to get your affairs in order. Additionally, you can actually stand at the exact spot where Macbeth was written to have killed the infamous Duncan. Of course, you can also buy a pack of cigarettes and a full tank of gas at the same location; a fact I found as tragic as the play itself. The aforementioned oddities, however, do not hold a candle to the second paranormal encounter of the trip, Clava Cairns, or Scotland’s Stonehenge.

CLAVA CAIRNS
My hunt for the truth behind the Loch Ness Monster certainly brought me into contact with a handful of other paranormal oddities throughout the Scottish countryside; the first man-made encounter was Clava Cairns. Just off the beaten path from Inverness, I discovered a structure as peculiar as Stonehenge, yet as accessible as the garden in your own backyard. Clava Cairns is a collection of rocks separated into two large piles, which are then periodically interwoven with larger, independent, rocks in a seemingly random configuration. No one who has studied the location is totally clear about the rock pile’s significance, but they are sure that it is over 5,000 years old, that it was at one time associated with burial ceremonies and that strange forces both associate with and surround the location.

Legend has it a young Englishman was visiting Clava Cairns on a Haggis Adventure Tour. Unlike Stonehenge, there is no fence separating the visitor from the stone structures at Clava Cairns; and you could easily walk right up and touch as many different configurations and stones as you wish. Well, the young Englishman decided that while he was admiring one of the large piles of small rocks, it would be a good idea to take one home with him as a souvenir. He quickly snatched up a small white stone and thrust it into his backpack with no witness to the larceny. He returned home to the English countryside and proudly displayed the treasure in his bedroom. The very next day, the young man’s mother was killed in a motor vehicle accident. The following day, his sister was severely injured when she too was involved in a motor vehicle accident. On the third day, the young man’s father was seriously injured at work, to the point where he would no longer be able to perform his job duties. The injured father was demoted to a job he could still handle physically and the reduced wages meant the young man was not going to be able to go to university, because he would need to get a job to help support the family. So sure was the young man that the stolen stone was responsible for his misfortunes, that he mailed it back to The National Trust for Scotland, which in turn placed it back in the large stone pile from whence it came. The young man and his family were spared any further terrible misfortunes and his sister is said to have made a miraculous recovery after the rock was returned.

As a visitor to the location, I found it ominous and foreboding. On our way to the location, it was a bright and sunny day. But immediately upon arrival, the weather became overcast and it started to drizzle a light but cold rain. Words cannot easily describe the feeling of walking amidst those stones, except to say that it was an unsettling feeling. As a matter of fact, the only time I have ever felt similarly was at a cemetery in Easton, Connecticut; known by many as one of the most haunted cemeteries in the country. As we boarded the bus for our next destination, I realized that Scotland is a country rich with the paranormal and that the Loch Ness Monster may not only be real, but may not be the strangest aspect of the trip. In hindsight, I was certainly correct on one count ...

GLEN ORD SCOTCH DISTILLERY, MURE OF ORD, ROSS-SHIRE
Just west of Inverness lies the town of Dingwall. It is just outside this quiet little Scottish town that I discovered some powerful spirits; namely the Glen Ord scotch whisky distillery. Glen Ord is just one of many whisky distilleries in Scotland and it is known for its sweet and full-bodied scotch. Owned by Diageo, an N.Y.S.E.-traded liquor company, it produces a whisky that cannot be purchased in the United States. Because the rest of my group had done a whisky distillery tour on previous trips to Scotland, I departed our hotel with Rab, our fearless leader provided by Haggis Adventure Tours, for a private tour of the distillery and for as many free samples as I could put down.

The tour began meeting my guide Barbara Cameron in the gift shop, a veritable whisky aficionado heaven. In the gift shop, you can purchase any of the brands of whisky manufactured by Diageo; a hefty list which includes Glenkinchie, Oban and Dalwhinnie. As we departed the gift shop for the distillery proper, I was informed that photography would not be permitted once inside. Apparently, though whisky-making seems a fairly straightforward process, the tiniest alteration to the shape of the stills, or amount of peat, can make an enormous difference, and is therefore protected like any other trade secret. Inside rests malt, barley and water piped in from a natural aquifer located directly behind the distillery. The barley is purchased from local farmers and soaked for five days in warm water until it sprouts. It is then run through a drying process. This is where the peat comes into play. Most traditional distilleries will use a peat fire to dry the germinated malt. A little peat goes a long way, and it is what gives some single malts a burnt flavor.

The process continues and is too involved to describe in detail, but I found the most interesting aspect to be the fact that everything is kept under lock and key. The sale of scotch generates some serious tax revenue for the government and they take extreme precautions to ensure that none is bootlegged. So serious are they, in fact, that all the pipes carrying the scotch from process to process must be externally exposed on the building for spot inspections. And you thought the IRS was annoying.

The distillery has approximately two million liters of whisky aging at any given time. The master blender tastes the whisky from each barrel (because, believe it or not, each individual barrel may produce a different flavor) and decides whether it will be blended, or whether it will remain a single-malt. In order to keep tabs on the development, the barrels are actually opened and “nosed” by a nosing panel monthly. From this developmental testing the nosing panel decides how many years to age each barrel. This is a full-time job, and one I can honestly say I wouldn’t mind having.

My tour ended in the gift shop, where I was offered a taste of a multitude of whiskies and learned the difference between a peaty mix, a light mix, a fruity mix and the type of mix that loosens your tonsils as it goes down. I sampled a fair share of the scotches, made some purchases and staggered back to the bus.

Whether you fancy yourself a whisky drinker or not, the tour is well worth it. To see the precise detail that goes into creating the same product year after year is to appreciate what makes single malt whisky so expensive and delicious. For more information on Scotland’s many distilleries visit discovering-distilleries.com. To visit Glen Ord specifically, call 01463 872004.

ROCPOOL RESERVE IN INVERNESS
Quite possibly the highlight of the trip, the Rocpool Reserve is a hotel unlike any other I have had the privilege of visiting. First and foremost, it should be noted that this particular hotel has been voted, by the national tourism board, the best hotel in Scotland for 2006 and 2007, and it also won the same accolades as best boutique hotel in Scotland for 2006 and 2007. A fairly impressive feat when you consider that it has only been open for eighteen months. In the off-season you can score a room at this place for Ł140 per night and during the tourist season it only increases to Ł165 per night. Let me tell you, even with the prevailing exchange rate, it is worth every pound, shilling and pence.

The RocPool Reserve is located in Inverness proper and offers access to a variety of activities and attractions. There are two meeting rooms on-site for the workaholic business traveler, a health and beauty facility, nearby golf, fitness centre and fishing, and a slew of attractions like Loch Ness, Culloden Battlefield, Urquhart Castle and a collection of fine distilleries. For more information, including menus, visit rocpool.com/reserve/home.html. Whether you’re traveling with family, friends, coworkers, clients, associates, or by yourself, this hotel is an experience in and of itself.

My room was a fairly modern set-up. The shower had a see-through window into the main area and I had a sliding glass door out to a patio. Plus, it had a queen-sized bed, an ironing board, a full tub, separate from my stand-up shower and most importantly, a four person hot tub. The hunt for Nessie was proving to afford all the creature comforts (no pun intended) one could hope for, and at one point I thought about just staying in Inverness at the Rocpool Reserve indefinitely. That was until I tried to use my shower.

The shower had three handles and two showerheads. One showerhead was the standard kind situated over my head and connected to the wall. The second head, on the other hand, was not placed over a bather’s head, but rather, sat on the left wall and reminded me of holding one of those yellow sprinklers I used to run through as a kid parallel to the ground, creating a horizontal wall of water. Well, no matter what I did; I could not get the water to come out of the standard showerhead. I fiddled with as many knobs as I could find and it just kept getting colder or hotter, weaker or stronger, but never did it flow from the actual showerhead. Now, as an attorney, I am supposed to think logically, and logic would dictate that this shower is so new, and in such a nice place, that it must work. But, logic also told me that I was running late for dinner, so I actually went upstairs and got the desk clerk to come downstairs and show me how to work the shower. While incredibly attractive, and despite my invitation for her to join me in said shower, she too was stumped (and visibly flattered) and as she exited, Rab came to get me for dinner. I explained that I was suffering technical difficulties and he attempted to help me out. Not even Rab could get it to work, and at this point I didn’t feel quite as stupid; that is, until the manager came in and turned the showerhead on in under two seconds. Thankfully, he spared me too harsh a criticism as he left, but it turns out that I am pretty stupid. Hey, I’m a lawyer … not an engineer.

The restaurant is excellent and dinner was quite the impressive feast. As a starter, I ordered the risotto of Kyle langoustine. It was a delicious bowl of risotto with lobster, handpicked crab, and roasted vine tomatoes. For my entree I ordered the roasted filet of Aberdeenshire beef, which came with foie gras, roasted garlic puree and asparagus. The prices were more than reasonable, from Ł7.50 to Ł12.50 for appetizers and Ł14.50 to Ł24.90 for entrees. There were seven of us dining that evening, and every one of us left the table impressed.

The food coming out of the kitchen was a delicious treat, but what REALLY separated this place from any place I have ever been is the rooms. I was so impressed with my room that I actually went and photographed the other rooms at the hotel. Each unique and impressive, I was unsure which room was the best, that is, until I really explored my own room.

After the delicious meal, Rab, myself and one of our fellow travelers named Stan, decided to walk into town and see what the nightlife was like. We ended up at a bar named Johnny Foxes where a man was playing guitar and singing for the rowdy crowd. He goes by Davey Levon, and he was a most talented individual. I, myself, have been playing the drums since I was 11 years old and have played in bands since I was 18. Let me tell you, when Davey put down the acoustic guitar and picked up his bass guitar … it was a whole other ballgame. I have always joked that there are few truly good bassists because nobody grows up dreaming about playing the bass. Well, Davey definitely changed that belief. By the time he was done playing, I was longing for my drum set. We said our goodnights at closing and headed back to our rooms.

It was only moments later that I found myself soaking in the hot tub with a blue-eyed Scot who had recently been wearing a plaid skirt and knee highs. Unfortunately, this Scot was Rab, who loves to rock the kilt wherever he goes. Rab and I had a few drinks from the bar, shot the breeze for a while and retired to our respective suites; me dreaming about the next day when I would at last travel down Loch Ness. My eyes would be peeled for ANYTHING out of the ordinary and I would most certainly be armed with my camera.

LOCH NESS
Loch Ness (Scottish for Lake Ness) is located on an active fault line. The loch is 24 miles long, one mile wide and 650 feet deep. Shaped like a bucket, the loch has straight wall-like sides, which drastically descend to a flat and even bottom. It is said that the entire world’s population could fit into Loch Ness a few times over, and apparently only the Australian tourists are crazy enough to swim in its dark, freezing cold water. As a matter of fact, it is important to note that due to its latitude, Scotland is, for the most part, geographically Europe’s equivalent of Alaska. The only reason it is not as cold is because of the warm Atlantic current that flows along its coast (the same current that got all messed up in The Day After Tomorrow. However, because of its geographic location, Scottish summer evenings last until midnight and winter days end at 2pm. This situation also contributes to the bizarre weather in Scotland. It is not uncommon to go into a gas station under a sunny blue sky, only to exit said gas station into a downpour. Basically, no matter what time of year you visit, pack for all four seasons. It even snowed on May 10th in the evening during our second to last night.

On the bank of Loch Ness lies Urquhart Castle. One of Scotland’s largest standing castles, it boasts a trebuchet, a spiral staircase leading to its highest tower, and piles of rubble replacing the various rooms one might have called home over a hundred years ago. Apparently, the castle traded hands between the Jacobites from the highlands, and the Grant clan (English loyalists) on a fairly regular and bloody basis until finally, while the Grants were enjoying their time in control of the castle, the Jacobites plotted to recapture the monument. The Grants, apparently tired of the game, decided to wait for the Jacobites to invade the space, and then blew it to smithereens with some early form of TNT. What remains today is only that which survived the explosion and it has been unoccupied since that day. While it is clearly not a serviceable castle anymore, it does provide great views of the loch and its surrounding banks.

As we prepared to board the boat for our trip down the loch on Jacobite Tours, I spotted something peculiar in the water cresting a couple hundred yards offshore. I knew I would be dining with Adrian Shine, the world’s foremost expert on Loch Ness, and I knew I could trust his professional opinion of my discovery so I snapped a picture. While on the boat we were treated to stories from Willie Cameron. Willie’s father was one of the first modern observers to spot the monster and started a club that includes doctors, barristers, clergy, and respected members of the community. The fact that these well-respected, educated, and rational people claim to have seen the same creature on different dates is quite possibly the most convincing evidence that the monster is real. In fact, there was recently a spotting of the creature on the lake that is being heralded as the most convincing footage to date. Unfortunately, our trip was without any sightings and after putting into shore, we headed over to the Loch Ness 2000 Exhibition Center.

Opened by explorer Sir Ranulph Fiennes, the center is comprised of a walking tour featuring stops at various movie screens where the legend, lore and science of Nessie is laid at a viewer’s feet. Educational, I learned that the theory that Nessie is a leftover dinosaur is impossible because the lake was created by a glacier and was therefore created long after the demise of the dinosaurs. On the other hand, scientists have shot sonar down into almost every inch of the loch and have discovered moving objects weighing as much as four tons. Due to the amount of peat that clouds the loch, it is difficult to see anything further than a foot or two in front of your face, and as such, no one has ever been able to confirm what those sonar signatures were.

Now, it turns out everyone wants to see Nessie and as I was leaving the visitor center, I actually got to see her a few times. There was happy Nessie (camera hog), purple Nessie, angry Nessie, and of course my sighting(s) near the coast. At this point I was still (actually even more) on the fence about the truth behind this plush toy tourism lightning rod. I needed to speak with Adrian Shine, and see what he had to say. Stan and I quickly put on our Scottish disguises and headed to the bus.

THE LOVAT ARMS HOTEL IN FORT AUGUSTUS
A quaint little hotel, in a quaint little town, the Lovat Arms was serviceable but disappointing after coming from the RocPool Reserve. It had the feeling of a B&B, which was a little too tame for my taste after the night in Inverness. Most notable factoid about the hotel is that it is entirely eco-friendly. A woodchip burner is used to heat both the hotel, as well as the water, and the owners do everything they can to reduce waste and energy consumption. It was also clear that they were in the process of renovations, as the restaurant and bar were obviously brand new.

My room was a standard, run of the mill, room. A big bed, a window, a stand-up shower ... the usual. Again, I noticed that television was not going to be entertaining, and I quickly got showered and headed to town.

Fort Augustus is a quaint little town with a couple of bars and some shops. It also has a lock system (like the Panama Canal) to help boats navigate up the Caledonian Canal, which runs through the center of the town. I stopped into the Iceberg Glass glassblowing studio and watched Douglas Wilson work his craft for a little while. I was impressed with the process, having never seen it before, and I searched high and low to find a souvenir to bring home. He had everything from figurines, to unique drinking glasses and other functional oddities, but by the time I made my purchase I realized it was time to get back to the hotel for dinner, so I thanked Douglas Wilson for the show and hiked back up the hill. For individuals with more time, the area surrounding the Lovat Arms offers a wide variety of activities for everyone from solo travelers to newlyweds and family vacationers. Within a short distance, a person can find a golf course, horseback riding, quad A.T.V. rides, biking, fishing, and even the occasional helicopter ride. The rates range from Ł65-Ł90 for a single room to Ł150-Ł230 for a master-double. All rates include breakfast. For more information on the Lovat Arms visit www.lovatarms-hotel.com. For information on how to get some of the wonderful glass items from Mr. Wilson, visit iceberg-glass.co.uk.

Join us next week for the third and final installment, where I meet with the world’s leading Loch Ness Monster guru, encounter a paranormal roommate and reach my final conclusions on my hunt for the beloved but ever-elusive Nessie.

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All information presented here is accurate at the time of publication but prices, dates and other details are all subject to change. Please confirm all information before making any travel arrangements.

Note: This trip was sponsored by Visit Britain.

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