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TURKISH BATH
I’ve heard so many travel experts say that their favorite spa experience ever was in Turkey at a Turkish bath so Natalie signed us up to get a traditional treatment. When we arrived at the spa, we quickly filled out the health cards and then an Indonesian woman escorted us to our respective changing rooms after welcoming us. I put on the crisp robe and sandals waiting inside my locker room and then hit the steam room, which was all marble and piping hot with a strong smell of Eucalyptus. Then a therapist yelled in broken English if I was ready for my Hammam. I wasn’t sure – from that, I imagined I was going to be in a pool with a bunch of naked men, which didn’t appeal to me at all but the Hammam turned out to be the farthest thing from that.
HAMMAM
I slipped my underwater Olympus camera in my robe pocket to take notes and I went to take a picture on the sly of the Hammam sign and cool statue when a pretty blonde in a bikini walked by just as the flash went off. I thought for sure she was a customer and was going to get mad since cameras are a BIG no-no in a spa. But she asked, “Are you Mr. Jet?” When I nodded, she introduced herself to me and escorted me to the Hammam. Where Natalie and another therapist were waiting. I didn’t realize it was a couples Hammam. The other therapist was a more robust Ukrainian woman in a one-piece bathing suit and a sexy sash wrapped around her waist. She was very nice as well but didn’t speak English as well as the blonde woman who’d escorted me in.
HAMMAM SETTING
The Hammam was in an incredible space of wall-to-wall white marble with three double spickets on each side with silver pitchers below. The room was dark and had a low ceiling. In the middle of the room was a stone table with Islamic art piece that doubled as the drain. Towels were laid down covering most of the table and more towels were rolled up on opposites end to make a pillow. They told us to take off our robes and gave me a tiny piece of cloth to wrap around my stark naked body and then told me to lay opposite to Natalie. This was starting to get a little kinky.
LOOFAH TIME
The Ukrainian therapist adjusted the cloth so it was now just covering my bum like a size 0 dental floss G-string that’s made exclusively for hot Brazilian babes, not overweight dudes. I was laying face down when out of nowhere my therapist poured a bucket of warm water over my back and slipped on a loofah mitt on her right hand. When she started slapping her mitted hand on my exposed butt cheeks, I thought this was some kind of sick joke. When I said, “Whoa, Nelly!” she laughed and said that it’s tradition. I said, “In that case, may I have another?”
SOFT, MEDIUM OR HARD?
Then she asked if I wanted soft, medium or strong pressure. Like a manly man, I opted for strong. She said I’d have no skin left so I downgraded to medium. Good thing she warned me because medium was so rough, I thought I was bleeding. She scrubbed pretty much everywhere and then some.
BUBBLE TIME
The highlight was when they both started making bubbles old-school-style with a cloth and waving it in the air then distributing it like a baker would with an icing pouch. When the bubbles piled high, the massaging began. It was then I realized why it’s called a Hammam (pronounced hammum). Because it takes you back to when your mom used to bathe you after making mud pies in the muddy backyard. Just like my mom, Nelly was kind of rough as she rubbed and dried around my ears.
TIME TO ROLL OVER
To wash me off, she threw hot bowls of water on me, which felt damn good. Then she flipped me over to do it all over again and I was so happy she introduced the cold water because facing up, with my eyes now opened wide, I could see a bikini-clad beauty soaping up another naked beauty and well, I started to feel like … I could use a little cold water! When the cold water hit me, I realized I hadn’t died and gone to heaven.
CLEAN UP
The finishing touches were a face and scalp massage – boy did that hit the spot. Then came an endless barrage of dousing with different temperatures of water that went from hot to freezing cold at the end. The whole treatment took about an hour but it felt longer and I was so wiped afterwards that I could barely move. Nelly wrapped my head in a towel and had to escort me to the next room where she plopped me down on the red velvet sofa. Then she brought Natalie out, laid her on my lap and took my camera to snap a picture. “I feel like Sultan Johnny,” I said. They laughed. I hobbled through the fitness room to the changing room with the head wrap still on and got some quizzical stares but I didn’t care. I’m now a Sultan.
IF YOU GO
A couples Hammam at the hotel is 630 TL. Natalie advises women not to shave their legs the morning of the treatment because the aggressive scrubbing might be too rough on freshly shaved legs; hopefully I don’t need to warn the guys of the same. The only thing that would have been nicer is if there was more soap and water but I guess the point is to really to exfoliate the skin, which this most certainly did.
NEXT WEEK Next week we will explore all around Istanbul. Stay tuned!
*If you heard about us somewhere else or have the link to the story please email Johnny Jet media and let us know where!
SOME OF LAST WEEK'S READER AIR-eMAIL
Fabulous pics! I LOVE Germany...such great memories...keep them coming!!! My Favorite country! Lyn T
I was there in 2007, loved the hard cider and sausages at the farmers market. Great shopping and wonderful people, my first trip to Europe! Jessica F – Kona, Hawaii
Okay, I lived in New York for five years as a student many years ago and thought I knew all the free deals in town, like eating lunch at nice places because dinner was more expensive, but now your guys tell me about things I never heard of before. Like the cheap lunch at 21 Club! Very cool. I also like knowing about the International Visitors desk at Bloomies. I'll take my British passport with me next time. Anything to escape NYC sales tax.
This New York article was a stroke of genius. After all, I know that you got lots of neat things to do in the Cook Islands and other far ends of the earth, but, hey, I will actually get to New York. And you guys seem to understand the place. Thanks.
Barry H-Washington, DC
Yes, I understand when you travel to places you went with your mom. Every time I go back to London or Ireland I think of the fun we had there when I took mine. She was in her mid-70’s and kept up with me in the underground and in Ireland she’d want to stay in the pub drinking with her new friends and I was the one wanting to call it a night. I will be going back to London for my annual Christmas trip in early December (thanks to my BA miles, going free except for the taxes in business class) and thinking of all the things mom and I did together especially when I walk along the embankment looking at the Tower of London and St Paul’s. I miss my mom too.
Barbara W - Philadelphia, PA
I enjoyed the newsletter, as always. I look forward to the Johnny Jet e-mails with your travelogues. It's one of the first things I read. However, the train from Luxembourg to Koblenz followed the Mosel River, not the Rhine. We took the same train, in the opposite direction (Koblenz to Luxembourg) several years ago, when we were on our way to southern Belgium (one of my all-time favorite places). We stopped for several hours to visit beautiful Luxembourg City, since we had to change trains. We loved Luxembourg City. We spent two nights in Koblenz in a hotel right on the Rhine River, looking across to the old fort Ehrenbreitstein. It was beautifully lighted at night. Koblenz is actually a very pretty city. It is where the Rhine and Mosel rivers meet. Where they join is a point called Deutches Eck (German Corner), and there is a monument there. It's actually a narrow point, and you can stand between the two rivers and see both of them. You can also take a river cruise on either river. Our hotel, a short walk from the narrow point of the rivers' joining, was across the street from the place where the boat docks for the day-long Rhine River cruise. That was why we stopped in Koblenz-- to cruise from there to Rüdesheim all day and take the train back. The train station was definitely not in a picturesque part of town! We enjoyed the area where we stayed, though. We also want to take a cruise on one of the hotel boats that cruise up and down the Rhine. It looked so relaxing to us, as we cruised along on our day cruise. We also enjoyed the beautiful views on the train ride from Koblenz to Luxembourg City. We would have liked to stop and visit Trier, because it has some interesting Roman ruins, but friends were waiting for us in Libramont, Belgium. You should visit the beautiful Semoine River Valley in southern Belgium. It's really picturesque, with lots of little villages and towns that looked like they did hundreds of years ago, and the lovely town of Bastogne with its monument to the Americans who liberated their country during WWII at the Battle of Bastogne (Battle of the Bulge). It is one country that really loves Americans. Everywhere we went our friends introduced us as Americans and told people that my father was an American soldier who stayed with them during the War (in the little village of Ochamps--for a few weeks). The youngest daughter of this family became my pen pal. I was a baby at the time, and she is four years older than I am. We have been friends ever since my parents gave me a letter from her when I was about eleven years old. And now I know her kids and granddaughter! Thanks for bringing back so many happy memories. Happy traveling. Vicki B - Omaha, Nebraska
I thoroughly enjoyed your newsletter, as usual, but you were mistaken when you took the train ride, via
Trier (a fantastic city along the Mosel, not the Rhine to Koblenz). Once again, you called it a usual industrial city. It is a charming small city, big town at the confluence of the Mosel and Rhine Rivers, I hope you do get back to that area, as it is really lovely. You will really love Turkey, looking forward to your letter next week. Last year, we were fortunate enough to spend a few weeks in Turkey and it is now one of my favorite sites. Kappadocia is surreal and amazing. Keep up your newsletters, as there are wonderful. Diana Wolff - Portland, OR
Nice city... spent 1 1/2 year there on fairs in MESSE CENTER FRANKFURT. P. Hillo - NYC
Love Frankfurt. Has an unfair bad rap I think. C Gussis – San Francisco
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