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WAILEA BEACH VILLAS
The Wailea Beach Villas are so exclusive that even my driver had trouble gaining entry. As we sat there waiting to be cleared, I asked what he thought of the hotel. He said he'd never been inside but had heard that it's the nicest place to stay on the island. He might be right. The Wailea Beach Villas are positioned between the Marriott and the Grand Wailea, nestled above the golden sands and crystal blue waters of Wailea Beach. All the rooms have spectacular views of the islands of Lanai and Kahoolawe, the Molokini crater and the West Maui mountains.

Built in 2006, the hotel has 98 penthouses and villas. The villas are all individually owned, private residences and three-quarters of them are rented out. These luxurious pads are not cheap but then again, Wailea's no cheap place. Many celebrities have homes here; I saw Clint Eastwood's and David Bowie's pads and Steven Tyler from Aerosmith was staying in a room near mine. Man, that boy needs a tan! No wonder he was in Hawaii.

THE PENTHOUSES
Like every guest, I was greeted to a warm Hawaiian welcome, complete with a cold glass of iced tea, a refreshing towel and yes … a lei. Don't you just love getting lei'd before you even make it to your room? Sorry! Another one of my feeble jokes! I really didn't realize how plush the hotel was going to be because the website just doesn't do it justice. All I can remember seeing online is that the cheapest accommodations go for $1,100 a night. But I later learned that that's actually a bargain for a luxurious room in Wailea. By way of comparison, a small, standard room at the Four Seasons Maui, just two hotels over from the Wailea Beach Villas, goes for $500/night and guests have to fight for a beach chair ... or so I hear. When you compare that to a 1,900 square-foot, two bedroom (great for sharing), gigantic, totally phat penthouse, complete with a gourmet, fully-stocked kitchen, including two sub-zero fridges, granite countertops, dishwasher and fine china – it really is a bargain.

FYI: Groceries are not included but the hotel staff will be happy to do your shopping in advance ... for a fee, of course! And you don't need to overstuff your suitcase by packing a lot of clothes. First of all, this is Hawaii – the weather basically stays the same all year 'round ... and the forecast is perfect! On top of that, each villa features a washer and dryer, laundry detergent included.

THE ROOMS
Each villa is decorated differently but they do have high standards. Each place has a marble balcony with one of those deluxe, built-in barbecues that you frequently see on the Food Network. Each villa has central air conditioning and every room has ceiling fans, enormous flat screen TVs (with satellite, of course) and free wireless Internet. Gotta love it! If your tongue isn't hanging out of your mouth yet, how about this: All the master bedrooms have deep-soak tubs, marble showers, walk-in closets and 100% Egyptian cotton bed linens. Not too shabby, eh?

MAID SERVICE
The one area upon which the Wailea Beach Villas can improve is the maid service. Though they come twice a day, they don't do the kind of spic-and-span cleaning job you would expect on this type of property. Not only that, but the maids turn every single light on .. and leave them on! It's not only a pain in the you-know-what to have to go and switch them all off, but it's also a waste of electricity. NOTE TO HOTEL: Install motion sensors!



HELLO? ANYBODY HOME?
Most visitors to Maui quickly drop their bags off in their rooms and hit the beach. That's exactly what I did, too. From the penthouse, it's a good 300-yard walk through the perfectly manicured property. The first thing I found myself wondering was, 'Where the heck is everyone?' I had heard that the place was almost filled to capacity but where were all the guests? There was no one in the open-air lobby and not once did I ride the elevator with another guest. Well, maybe that's because there isn't just one set of elevators. Would you believe that they have 20? Each elevator accesses only one or two rooms per floor for that extra degree of privacy. The first person I saw was a guy sunning himself at the upper level pool and then another at the lower and much nicer infinity pool. At the beach, I spotted three families lounging in the resort's chaise longues, but still … it was the middle of the day, it wasn't raining and there were just a few people around. When I walked by the Grand Wailea and the Four Seasons (there's a great footpath for early-morning, jetlagged walks), it looked like Spring Break in Fort Lauderdale in the '80s ... minus the loud music and hot babes in wet t-shirts.

THE SHOPS AT WAILEA
I suspect some of the guests (ahem, wives) were next-door, funding the Shops at Wailea. Located just outside the hotel's main entrance (about a 50-yard walk), there's easy access, though guests need their keycard to get back in. The upscale outdoor shopping complex opened in 2000 and has everything you need and don't need. There are over 60 shops and services, including swanky designer stores like Tiffany, Gucci, Louis Vuitton … See? I told you this place was like Beverly Hills. But thankfully, there's also more down-to-earth shopping like Gap, Banana Republic and local surf shops. But what I appreciated most, besides Dollar Rental Car, was the Whaler's General Store and the ABC Store. Both sell everything from sunscreen to inexpensive souvenirs.

DINING
The stores also sell alcohol, which brings up an important point. The Wailea Beach Villas do not have a gift shop, restaurant or offer bar service. So you won't be able to flag down some underpaid employee to fetch you a drink. However, guests are allowed to bring their own booze to the pool (in plastic containers), which means you won't have to pay a fat bill at the end of the stay for your $20 drinks. Now for dining. It would almost be a sin not to use the gorgeous, gourmet kitchen but if you don't feel like cooking or having a private chef come in and do it for you (yes, that service is also available) the Shops at Wailea have three restaurants: Tommy Bahama's Tropical Cafe, Cheeseburger Island Style and Longhi's.



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