If You're Going to Drink, Drink Often

Enough of this hype about New Year's Eve.

We put up with it last year, all that Millennium garbage about having to be at just the right place for the coming of the 21st century, only to be lead to financial slaughter like "el toros" at the Running of the Bulls.

How many people took exotic trips? Visited the Pyramids? Went to Peru? Spent the same kind of money for two nights in Paris that could have lasted for two weeks in June?

Not me, fortunately.I was at a friend's house party which served the occasion well. Heck, I even blew off a Jimmy Buffett concert. He tested the loyalty (stupidity, really) of his fans by charging $500-1,500 for seats to a Millennium show at Universal Studios in Los Angeles.(Those same seats were later going for less than $100, but If I'm to get gored it's going to be in Pamplona, not at some make-believe studio in Hollywood).

This had been building up for years, what with bars posting $50-100 cover chargers on and even neighborhood dives asking that their most loyal patrons to cough up $20-30 for a goofy hat suitable only at at 5-year-old's birthday party and a cheap, hangover-inducing bottle of champagne.

New Year's Eve is, for better or worse, Amateur Night. It's the one time of year that people who are consumed with other activities the other 364 days suddenly cut loose. Just because it's New Year's Eve! They drink more alcohol than even many seasoned pros and do so like a dog being fed a steak: all at once rather than at a good pace where it can be savored.

It seems they must make up for a year's worth of lost party time in a few short hours. Pity their poor souls that they don't get out more often.

Their systems, unaccustomed to such abuse, react violently, sending the amateur quickly to the porcelain bus. Another New Year successfully celebrated!

Now, The Bartender is not one to pass up a good celebration, and the next time the Berlin Wall comes down or a Greek wrestler wins an Olympic medal or a long-suffering college team wins a championship, then cart me off to Germany, Mykonos, Norman (Oklahoma) or wherever is hosting the party and I'll do more toasts than the biggest drunk at Oktoberfest.

But the lesson is clear: If you're going to drink, then drink often. This isn't a college exam; you can't cram the night before and pass the next day. Pass out, yes. Pass the course, no.

Amateurs should enjoy the occasional glass of wine, beer with your buddies during a backyard barbecue and even a few heavy cocktails for birthdays or office promotions. But leave the real partying to those who consider New Year's Eve just another night on the town.

The Bartender will be laying low in Los Angeles this New Year's. Unless he can convince a group to load up the car for a quick trip to Las Vegas.